-by Kid Bucket-
Ladies and Gentlemen, yesterday was a dark day.
America… nay… the world was changed forever in countless ways by this great American and we will never be the same.
I am talking about Sarah Palin deciding against running for President, of course.
What an amazing person! She loved us so much that she travelled across the country in a bus made out of Constitutions just to try and give every single American a hug and a “You Betcha!” But how could she give every American a hug? That’s crazy talk! She realized that and has decided not to take this wonderful country by the hand and lead us into the next chapter of our legacy. A future of churches, bars, and schools full of guns. A future where someone can actually be “Over-Educated” (It’s sad that this is a thing with middle America now). A future where we can go back to our gas guzzlers. We may have lost a couple species by then BUT MY KIDS HAVE TO GO TO SOCCER PRACTICE AND THE ONLY THING THAT WILL SUFFICE FOR THIS TASK IS AN ESCALADE!
There is a hole in my heart now. A hole in my heart that can only be filled by an iPhone 4S.
In order to honor the incredible legacy of this amazing woman, the only app I will ever use on my new iPhone will be the Fox News Channel app (While the MSNBC and CNN app wait patiently to strike), it will run on gasoline (4 Apps/Gallon), and it will only work for half of my contract.
At least we still have Chris Christie and no matter what he says, he has left the door cracked ever so slightly. That’s what Fox and his Friends seem to want to think.