-by Kid Bucket-
I hate to be the one to tell you this, in fact I don’t know how Ryan Seacrest was able to tweet it, but I will pull through because dammit! I have journalistic integrity.
I know I know, before you fall into your mental pit of sadness (I had to pull out of mine long enough to write this) remember, marriage is still a sacred institution because the gays can’t get it. America will always be the strongest country in the world so long as we have that antiquated ideal firmly in our grasp.